It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
