it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
