wrigley field is MILF paradise
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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