just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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