you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
