Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
