Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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