Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
