I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
