Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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