there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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