Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
