I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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