Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
