found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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