Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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