I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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