i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
