The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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