So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
