I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
