you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
