I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
