Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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