is your mom at the bar?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I love you. Go after that dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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