i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
pray to the hookup gods
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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