Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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