he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
