Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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