Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
