Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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