she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you didnt know i had herpes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
