I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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