Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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