I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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