Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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