i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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