I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
