Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
