i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
