just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
