You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you win again, gameday.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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