So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
