hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
