She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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