oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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