Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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