Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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