The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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