Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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