I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
