that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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