So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
