she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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