whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
