You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sarcasm needs its own font
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
