I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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