I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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