Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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